Crossroads
Youth
Raising up the Next generation to impact
our families, city, and world for Jesus.
our families, city, and world for Jesus.
FIRST CHURCH YOUTH
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Our mission is to reach the youth today develop an authentic relationship with Christ by knowing, experiencing, studying, and sharing God with their world to affect the kingdom tomorrow. And our vision is for every one of our youth to be:
POSITIVE that God loves them and that He has a good plan and purpose for their lives PERSUADED that God’s way really is the best way PASSIONATE for Jesus Christ, for His church, for the needy, and for the lost PREPARED for life, for relationships, for service, and for leadership |
CROSSROADS YG MEET TIMEThe Crossroads YG meets on a regular schedule for fun, faith, and fellowship. If you are in High School, feel free to drop by and join us as we celebrate what God has done for us through a variety of activities, events, and service projects.
We meet on the First and Third Friday nights of each month from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm |
2023 MISSION TRIP
SANCTUARY INN
WELCHES, OREGON
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO DISCIPLING TEENS
At First Church, we have begun a Sermon and Study Series entitled: “Eyes of Faith: Viewing Life Biblically.” And, one of the topics we are going to cover is the idea of the sanctity of human life. This means from conception to death. In 2022, the Supreme Court’s decision in Dobbs v. Jackson effectively overturned Roe v. Wade. This decision upended decades of legal precedent that governed abortion access in the United States. And for the 44 percent of Americans who identify as “pro-life,” this decision was seen as a hard-won victory and the direct result of years of activism on behalf of the unborn. But many younger adults perceive the Dobbs decision to be hypocritical and dangerous. And in fact, research published by the Center for a Biblical Worldview suggests that 1 in 6 regular churchgoers in the United States have paid for, encouraged, or had an abortion themselves. Competing cultural narratives make talking about abortion with teenagers in 2023 as intimidating as it has ever been. Everything can feel so complicated and intertwined, which can make it hard to know how to even begin to have a conversation about it. But without tools to help aid open conversations about abortion, the cycle of deep hurt, confusion, and grief persists. Axis wants to make the abortion conversation more fruitful and less fraught, which is why we're releasing a brand new Parent's Guide to Talking About Abortion. This guide will provide grounded research and a biblical foundation for addressing this topic with the teens you care about. After you've read the guide and had time to reflect, consider these questions for starting a conversation about abortion with your teen:
Parenting together,
The Axis Team
- Do you know a lot of people who are outspoken about abortion?
- What are some ways we can be supportive of women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy?
- What does it mean to you that God cares about protecting life?
Parenting together,
The Axis Team
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO FRIENDSHIPS
Let's talk about our teens and their friends! As our kids grow older, their friend groups continue to broaden, going far beyond the organized play dates we masterfully conducted when they were younger. And for good or for evil, our teens' friendships have a HUGE influence on their lives. Teaching our kids to navigate their friendships is part of our role as parents. From best friends to frenemies to legit enemies, social connections are a training ground for our teens as they prepare for the deeper relationships that come as they mature into young adulthood. As a parent, you have the amazing opportunity to talk to your kids about their friend choices and classifications.
Questions to ask your teens:
What makes a good friend?
What makes a bad friend?
Why do they like the friends they have?
How do they think they could deepen their friendships?
But how do we guide them through navigating those "bad" friendships? As tempting as it might be to step in and keep unhealthy friendships or groups out of our kids lives, it’s important to remember that they can learn as much from bad friendships as they can from good ones. In their unhealthy relationships, encourage your teens to examine what exactly makes the friendship toxic and ask them why they may want to leave the relationship when they see it for what it is
Questions to ask your teens:
What makes a good friend?
What makes a bad friend?
Why do they like the friends they have?
How do they think they could deepen their friendships?
But how do we guide them through navigating those "bad" friendships? As tempting as it might be to step in and keep unhealthy friendships or groups out of our kids lives, it’s important to remember that they can learn as much from bad friendships as they can from good ones. In their unhealthy relationships, encourage your teens to examine what exactly makes the friendship toxic and ask them why they may want to leave the relationship when they see it for what it is
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO DISCIPLING TEENS
Parenting is difficult. There are so many things that we want our children to learn. When they were babies, our goal was to keep them fed and clean. As toddlers, we wanted to keep them from getting hurt, from falling and hitting their heads, or just avoiding trips to the emergency room. As children, we wanted them to learn new things and excel in school, sports, music, and the arts. We needed to discipline them along the way, helping them make the right choices, try their best in everything they did, and reap the natural consequences of their choices if they didn’t make a wise choice. We realized how important it was to guard their hearts and to always point them toward Jesus. As they grew older, at some point, disciplining turned into discipling. In Matthew 28, we are called to be disciples of Jesus. A disciple is a learner, and our children need to learn more about God every day. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” We made this the greatest priority in our home. We made it a point to eat dinner together as a family, read a devotional, pray together, and discuss our days together (the highs and lows). Even when schedules got busy and we couldn’t always eat together, we still found time to have these discussions at other times of the day. We also opened our home to our children’s friends, and when they came over, we never changed our routine. We would include their friends as we prayed together and discussed various tough topics such as religion, social media, addiction, and friendship. Everybody who came into our home knew that our house was a safe place to be and that God was the priority in our home. Parents are the #1 influencer in children’s lives, but the opportunity for influence drastically reduces once they leave home. Our children have learned the importance of surrounding themselves with like-minded people and focusing their time and energy on the good things of God. In the past, when they have failed, it’s been due to poor choices by outside influences, such as shows they are watching, games they are playing, or the wrong people that are speaking into their lives. We have often told them they are a representation of the company they keep and to make wise choices with their time. Our utmost desire is for them to disciple others for Christ through their example and how they live.
A place to start with your teen:
If you asked your children what is the greatest priority in your home, how would they answer? Would it be sports, entertainment, or recreation, or would Jesus be the priority and the axis of your family?
Parenting Together
AXIS Team
A place to start with your teen:
If you asked your children what is the greatest priority in your home, how would they answer? Would it be sports, entertainment, or recreation, or would Jesus be the priority and the axis of your family?
Parenting Together
AXIS Team
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO SMARTPHONES
Smartphones. The gateway to all things -- good, evil, and everything in between. And no matter how old your kid is, you are somewhere on the spectrum between thinking about their first phone and coaching them through their likely obsession.
And before you say, "It's too late! This is not for me. My kid is _ years old and too engrained with their bad habits." Let me say this -- it's never too late to become a better steward of technology. And if you are like me (which, if you were honest, you probably are), you too might need a break to retrain your habits every once in awhile.
When we first walked down the smartphone road with our oldest, we were totally blind. I mean, let's be real, I was born in the late 70s and literally did not have a cell phone until my post-college years. How in the world did I survive??? (Lol!) We thought we had it all together with the digital responsibility contract, protective firewalls, notifications, restrictions, etc. And guess what? Our son still found the bad stuff, got intertwined in the wrong text groups, and became glued to his device like a bug to a light.
Lessons I learned:
1. When we made the phone the issue, we drove a wedge between us and our teen. Truth - the phone is not the problem.
2. Teaching healthy habits with their tech NEVER ends. There will always be another conversation to have.
3. Our teens need us to model healthy phone habits. And when we don't, admit it and be willing to let them see our own weaknesses. It's awfully hard to reprimand our teens for using phones at the dinner table when we are checking our email under the tablecloth. Ouch.
4. It's much easier to parent with extremes -- NO phones vs. NO rules. The healthy, God-honoring, life-affirming, relationship-building place is somewhere in the middle. And each family and teen have to determine where that balance is. What works for one kid might not work for the next. You know your kid's heart best.
So where do we go from here? I encourage you to keep talking with your teen about his phone use. When you see him practicing healthy habits, point them out! And when you see some room for improvement, push into your observations with him. This is the long game, folks. And our goal needs to be a young adult with healthy phone habits and the ability to self-moderate. And that, my friend, is going to take constant conversations between us and our teens.
Parenting Together,
AXIS Group Team
And before you say, "It's too late! This is not for me. My kid is _ years old and too engrained with their bad habits." Let me say this -- it's never too late to become a better steward of technology. And if you are like me (which, if you were honest, you probably are), you too might need a break to retrain your habits every once in awhile.
When we first walked down the smartphone road with our oldest, we were totally blind. I mean, let's be real, I was born in the late 70s and literally did not have a cell phone until my post-college years. How in the world did I survive??? (Lol!) We thought we had it all together with the digital responsibility contract, protective firewalls, notifications, restrictions, etc. And guess what? Our son still found the bad stuff, got intertwined in the wrong text groups, and became glued to his device like a bug to a light.
Lessons I learned:
1. When we made the phone the issue, we drove a wedge between us and our teen. Truth - the phone is not the problem.
2. Teaching healthy habits with their tech NEVER ends. There will always be another conversation to have.
3. Our teens need us to model healthy phone habits. And when we don't, admit it and be willing to let them see our own weaknesses. It's awfully hard to reprimand our teens for using phones at the dinner table when we are checking our email under the tablecloth. Ouch.
4. It's much easier to parent with extremes -- NO phones vs. NO rules. The healthy, God-honoring, life-affirming, relationship-building place is somewhere in the middle. And each family and teen have to determine where that balance is. What works for one kid might not work for the next. You know your kid's heart best.
So where do we go from here? I encourage you to keep talking with your teen about his phone use. When you see him practicing healthy habits, point them out! And when you see some room for improvement, push into your observations with him. This is the long game, folks. And our goal needs to be a young adult with healthy phone habits and the ability to self-moderate. And that, my friend, is going to take constant conversations between us and our teens.
Parenting Together,
AXIS Group Team
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO THE BIBLE
It’s probably not very often that we hear the Bible talked about like a virus imprinted in our cell structures, but what if much of our conversation about the Bible is missing the point? What would it be like to imagine that the Bible has the power to change how we live from the inside out? How would it change the way we read or talk about the Bible? How would it help our teens to view the Bible as relevant to their everyday lives, rather than an outdated list of arbitrary rules to follow? What if the Bible helped us start more conversations and ask more questions, rather than ending conversations and winning arguments? We’ll use the words “hear” and “host” to structure a conversation about how we can read the Bible well and teach our teens to do so, too. It sounds strange, but we want to get it inside of us, as if we are being infected by a benign virus that spreads and changes us!
In order to better comprehend the Bible, we need to understand the back story, so that’s where we need to start with our kids. We know (from the Bible!) that, through His love, God created everything that exists and called it good. We know that God cares deeply for all of creation and is pained by the brokenness that has come into it. Because the creator God delights in creation and cares for its flourishing, He is always working to bring about the restoration of all things. In order to do so, God chose an obscure family in the deserts of the ancient Near East to be His people and a blessing for the entire world. Then God became human in the person of Jesus to claim the final and decisive victory over sin and death. He made it possible for creation to be reconciled to Himself, restored to wholeness.
What’s more, God remains active and present on earth as the Spirit who empowers and instructs His people. As Christians, we’re called to live in ways that bring the kingdom of God to earth. God didn’t leave us alone to do this work. Not only did He give humankind His very Spirit to help in this work, but He also gave the Scriptures to guide, instruct, and inspire humankind. As faithful followers of Jesus, we are to follow His example, the guidance of Scripture, and the Spirit so that we can participate in God’s plan of restoration for all things.
Understanding the Bible is not easy. In fact, it’s something we’ll never be able to do 100% because God is beyond our comprehension. And that’s ok! Instead, we need to help our teens realize this truth while imparting to them a desire to learn as much as is humanly possible while on this earth. Knowing and loving Him is the best work we can ever do, and though counterintuitive, undertaking this task will actually fulfill us and our families in ways we can’t possibly imagine.
Parenting Together,
Axis Group Team
In order to better comprehend the Bible, we need to understand the back story, so that’s where we need to start with our kids. We know (from the Bible!) that, through His love, God created everything that exists and called it good. We know that God cares deeply for all of creation and is pained by the brokenness that has come into it. Because the creator God delights in creation and cares for its flourishing, He is always working to bring about the restoration of all things. In order to do so, God chose an obscure family in the deserts of the ancient Near East to be His people and a blessing for the entire world. Then God became human in the person of Jesus to claim the final and decisive victory over sin and death. He made it possible for creation to be reconciled to Himself, restored to wholeness.
What’s more, God remains active and present on earth as the Spirit who empowers and instructs His people. As Christians, we’re called to live in ways that bring the kingdom of God to earth. God didn’t leave us alone to do this work. Not only did He give humankind His very Spirit to help in this work, but He also gave the Scriptures to guide, instruct, and inspire humankind. As faithful followers of Jesus, we are to follow His example, the guidance of Scripture, and the Spirit so that we can participate in God’s plan of restoration for all things.
Understanding the Bible is not easy. In fact, it’s something we’ll never be able to do 100% because God is beyond our comprehension. And that’s ok! Instead, we need to help our teens realize this truth while imparting to them a desire to learn as much as is humanly possible while on this earth. Knowing and loving Him is the best work we can ever do, and though counterintuitive, undertaking this task will actually fulfill us and our families in ways we can’t possibly imagine.
Parenting Together,
Axis Group Team
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO GENDER IDENTITY
The conversation around gender identity and gender dysphoria is incredibly complex. When we look at the life of Jesus, we know that He believed what the Bible affirms to be true—including the idea that gender is something that God and not man defines. We also know that Jesus was called a glutton and a drunkard because He was often seen eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners. Being called these things didn’t stop Him from spending time with those people; in such cases, His emphasis was on cultivating and maintaining relationships with hurting people, even if it meant that some were left unclear about what His official stance was.
There are of course multiple ways people have handled this situation, and please know our previous email was not a tacit affirmation of socially transitioning. Another reader who was walking through gender dysphoria with their teen decided to withdraw them from a school where kids were encouraged to declare preferred pronouns and to socially transition. Every family is different, and as Christians we always want to be concerned to do what we believe is in line with the example of Jesus and what we believe the Holy Spirit is leading us to do. However that looks, of course, these conversations usually seem easier when it’s someone else’s kid we’re talking about as opposed to our own.
Gender identity is a term used to discuss the way modern people think of and express their gender. Note that this term separates the concept of gender from the context of sex, the former being a personal experience and the latter being purely connected to biology. The term itself functions as an argument that the body a person is born into does not have any say over who they are. We disagree with this idea in its entirety: sex and gender are one and the same because God designed us as male and female with no schism between our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. However, because society insists upon this schism, we need to know this term and understand its meaning and impact.
Theology is borne out in relationship with one another, and everyone’s pace is different. As Jesus Himself said to His disciples in John 16:12, “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.” Our hope is that every member of the rising generation would eventually come to love and embrace the bodies God has given them. But we know that between things like gender dysphoria, eating disorders, and other self-image issues that’s not yet the case. We need wisdom from God to help us wisely stand in the gap between His truth and the non-ideal circumstances we live and raise teens in. You can access the Parent’s Guide to Gender Identity at: www.firstcong.org/youth
Parenting Together,
The Axis Team
There are of course multiple ways people have handled this situation, and please know our previous email was not a tacit affirmation of socially transitioning. Another reader who was walking through gender dysphoria with their teen decided to withdraw them from a school where kids were encouraged to declare preferred pronouns and to socially transition. Every family is different, and as Christians we always want to be concerned to do what we believe is in line with the example of Jesus and what we believe the Holy Spirit is leading us to do. However that looks, of course, these conversations usually seem easier when it’s someone else’s kid we’re talking about as opposed to our own.
Gender identity is a term used to discuss the way modern people think of and express their gender. Note that this term separates the concept of gender from the context of sex, the former being a personal experience and the latter being purely connected to biology. The term itself functions as an argument that the body a person is born into does not have any say over who they are. We disagree with this idea in its entirety: sex and gender are one and the same because God designed us as male and female with no schism between our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. However, because society insists upon this schism, we need to know this term and understand its meaning and impact.
Theology is borne out in relationship with one another, and everyone’s pace is different. As Jesus Himself said to His disciples in John 16:12, “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.” Our hope is that every member of the rising generation would eventually come to love and embrace the bodies God has given them. But we know that between things like gender dysphoria, eating disorders, and other self-image issues that’s not yet the case. We need wisdom from God to help us wisely stand in the gap between His truth and the non-ideal circumstances we live and raise teens in. You can access the Parent’s Guide to Gender Identity at: www.firstcong.org/youth
Parenting Together,
The Axis Team
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO ANXIETY
It's time to get vulnerable...I am among friends, right? As a human who has battled with anxiety my entire life (and is now watching one of my kids face similar monsters), the past few crazy years our world has found itself in have been a breeding ground for my anxious thoughts to spin out of control. And though the cloud of the pandemic has (mostly) cleared, there is still so much relevance in this statement: "Right now, we’re living in a constant state of uncertainty, and it can feel like running a race with no finish line or making a puzzle without a reference picture."
One practical way that I have personally found peace within my storm is by actively practicing gratitude. Sometimes my gratitude game is strong, and sometimes I need a kick in the seat. But one thing is certain - when I choose to be grateful, my anxiety slowly deescalates and the clouds clear a bit.
Gratitude brings happiness: Simple practices like maintaining a gratitude or sending small tokens and thank you notes can make us feel a lot better.
Gratitude releases negative emotions: Practicing gratitude can change our brain and improve our mental health.
Gratitude competes with our anxious thoughts: When feeling those anxious thoughts creep in, a spirit of gratitude can replace the anxiety.
A place to start with your teens:
Appreciate Yourself: Stand in front of your mirror and speak five good things to yourself. Psalm 139 is full of truth about what God thinks of us!
Create a gratitude journal: There is power in writing things down. A gratitude journal is your personal space to pen down all the little and big things in life that you are thankful for.
Do not hesitate to be happy: Accepting happiness makes us stronger and more grateful for what we have.
If your Teen experiences anxiety, help them understand that they are loved and cherished by God!
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
One practical way that I have personally found peace within my storm is by actively practicing gratitude. Sometimes my gratitude game is strong, and sometimes I need a kick in the seat. But one thing is certain - when I choose to be grateful, my anxiety slowly deescalates and the clouds clear a bit.
Gratitude brings happiness: Simple practices like maintaining a gratitude or sending small tokens and thank you notes can make us feel a lot better.
Gratitude releases negative emotions: Practicing gratitude can change our brain and improve our mental health.
Gratitude competes with our anxious thoughts: When feeling those anxious thoughts creep in, a spirit of gratitude can replace the anxiety.
A place to start with your teens:
Appreciate Yourself: Stand in front of your mirror and speak five good things to yourself. Psalm 139 is full of truth about what God thinks of us!
Create a gratitude journal: There is power in writing things down. A gratitude journal is your personal space to pen down all the little and big things in life that you are thankful for.
Do not hesitate to be happy: Accepting happiness makes us stronger and more grateful for what we have.
If your Teen experiences anxiety, help them understand that they are loved and cherished by God!
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO A DOUBTING TEEN
T’is the season for all things family. There are the parties, the dinners, and the Christmas Eve service. Maybe even the devotionals, the focus on Christ, and yet, many teens during this time doubt. They doubt the messages they hear. They doubt that the love is genuine. They doubt that God even came. Doubting teens asking really hard questions. This is not an unfamiliar scenario to many of us parents. And knowing this truth, we have published resources to help you create an open, loving environment—where faith can become stronger through a conversation about questions and doubts. Their doubts offer us the opportunity to model God’s unending compassion by helping them understand that there is no shame in having doubts or questions about life, faith, and the Gospel. We hope Axis resources are helpful as you walk alongside your teens, creating space for them to be honest about their process. May God give you wisdom and graciousness as you do so.
Truths to remember:
Helping teens wrestle with doubt is intimidating. The process often takes time because there are rarely quick fixes or easy answers. Remember not to rush into things.
1. As tough conversations arise with your teen, remind him that having doubt is normal and, if handled well, can lead to a stronger faith.
2. Don't shy away from hard questions. Just as you and I have doubted during moments on our faith journey, so might your teen.
3. Be honest with them about your own doubts and search out answers together. By leading with vulnerability, teens will see that there is space and freedom to question and wrestle with the truth.
4. Rest in the fact that your teen’s doubts may actually be the first step into a more vibrant, authentic faith that they can call their own.
5. Don't panic. Even if your teen is examining his faith, walking a different journey, or walking away from faith altogether, God has promised His faithfulness - even in our doubting. Give your teen the same grace-filled adoration.
Try these conversation starters with your teen:
Q. What do you think about tolerance? How do you respond to your friends who don't share your faith?
Q. Do you believe there is one, true God? How different would your life be without God?
Q. How would the way you talk about God be different if you knew why you believed in Him?
Q. What do you think about Jesus and His coming?
Truths to remember:
Helping teens wrestle with doubt is intimidating. The process often takes time because there are rarely quick fixes or easy answers. Remember not to rush into things.
1. As tough conversations arise with your teen, remind him that having doubt is normal and, if handled well, can lead to a stronger faith.
2. Don't shy away from hard questions. Just as you and I have doubted during moments on our faith journey, so might your teen.
3. Be honest with them about your own doubts and search out answers together. By leading with vulnerability, teens will see that there is space and freedom to question and wrestle with the truth.
4. Rest in the fact that your teen’s doubts may actually be the first step into a more vibrant, authentic faith that they can call their own.
5. Don't panic. Even if your teen is examining his faith, walking a different journey, or walking away from faith altogether, God has promised His faithfulness - even in our doubting. Give your teen the same grace-filled adoration.
Try these conversation starters with your teen:
Q. What do you think about tolerance? How do you respond to your friends who don't share your faith?
Q. Do you believe there is one, true God? How different would your life be without God?
Q. How would the way you talk about God be different if you knew why you believed in Him?
Q. What do you think about Jesus and His coming?
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO TEEN EMOTIONS (MENTAL HEALTH)
Have you ever reacted to your teenagers' emotional waves in ways you weren't proud of? We've all been there.
Being a parent is hard. We are more invested in our kids than anyone else. We deeply care how they mature and grow, and sometimes these desperate feelings intertwine our emotions with our teen’s emotions. Has your teenager ever told you that "my _____ understands (and cares for!) me better than you!" Ugh. These words sting our parental hearts.
So why do our teenagers respond in this way?
Having other caring adults in our teens' lives is so important. These mentors provide a space of safety and compassion for our children and a platform beyond the parental voice that our teens can become numb to at times. Yet - these folks don’t have to care as much as we do. At times, they will have a more neutral perspective and a more persuasive ability than we, as parents. There’s less at stake for them.
We don’t get the luxury of the emotional (and physical) distance that their teachers, coaches, mentors, and youth pastors have. They are simply outside observers and cheerleaders in our children's lives. Their involvement in our teen’s life probably has an end date - and has its limits.
What I'm saying is: we have permission to cut ourselves some slack. There will probably be moments when we need to apologize to our teens because we didn’t give them the attention or care that they needed. Or perhaps when we didn’t respond calmly or kindly to a heated situation. Every person in human history has been raised by imperfect parents. We’re all in good company.
Thankfully, we have a Mediator in Heaven who empathizes with us. Jesus’ way often involves feeling more, not less.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
Being a parent is hard. We are more invested in our kids than anyone else. We deeply care how they mature and grow, and sometimes these desperate feelings intertwine our emotions with our teen’s emotions. Has your teenager ever told you that "my _____ understands (and cares for!) me better than you!" Ugh. These words sting our parental hearts.
So why do our teenagers respond in this way?
Having other caring adults in our teens' lives is so important. These mentors provide a space of safety and compassion for our children and a platform beyond the parental voice that our teens can become numb to at times. Yet - these folks don’t have to care as much as we do. At times, they will have a more neutral perspective and a more persuasive ability than we, as parents. There’s less at stake for them.
We don’t get the luxury of the emotional (and physical) distance that their teachers, coaches, mentors, and youth pastors have. They are simply outside observers and cheerleaders in our children's lives. Their involvement in our teen’s life probably has an end date - and has its limits.
What I'm saying is: we have permission to cut ourselves some slack. There will probably be moments when we need to apologize to our teens because we didn’t give them the attention or care that they needed. Or perhaps when we didn’t respond calmly or kindly to a heated situation. Every person in human history has been raised by imperfect parents. We’re all in good company.
Thankfully, we have a Mediator in Heaven who empathizes with us. Jesus’ way often involves feeling more, not less.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO ADDICTION
Whether it's your kid or someone in your teen's life, dealing with addictive behaviors and habits is really tough. We deeply love our kids, and seeing them hurt themselves and those around them is devastating. This week we are going to talk about some practical ways to work alongside the teen in your life as they battle to overcome addictive behaviors. And as always, forward this on to someone you know who might need help.
My child struggles with an addiction. Now what?
Fact: almost anything can become addictive. For some kids, it is video games or their phones. For some, it’s a chemical substance. For some, it is cutting or self-injury. And the list goes on. That’s a pretty scary realization for most parents.
Key points for caring adults to remember:
There are two major steps that you and your child must take to get things out into the light (almost all addictive behavior happens in the shadows). The first is that before you talk to your child about their struggle, you have to stay calm. It is easy for care and deep concern to manifest as fear of frustration or anger. If you approach your child with these feelings on display, no good will come of it. The second is to try and get your child to acknowledge addiction. If a kid is in denial, they will not be open to receiving help. It is only when they can admit their struggle that they can begin the process of overcoming the thing they are addicted to.
A few questions will help get the conversation started:
Q: Here is a behavior I observe. What am I missing?
This is an open-ended question that will give your child an on-ramp to begin talking about that behavior in a non-defensive posture. Maybe they are embarrassed or will be angry with you for even bringing it up, but asking about what you don’t know gives them a chance to come clean.
Q: How can I help?
As soon as an addict admits that they need help, you have to be ready and willing to help them. So have a plan ready to be put in place if they need it. That may mean looking into AA meetings or proposing accountability software on their devices.
One way or another, if they need help, be prepared to be that help! Addiction is scary, but it is also common, which means millions of other parents are going through the same thing.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie & Toben at AXIS
My child struggles with an addiction. Now what?
Fact: almost anything can become addictive. For some kids, it is video games or their phones. For some, it’s a chemical substance. For some, it is cutting or self-injury. And the list goes on. That’s a pretty scary realization for most parents.
Key points for caring adults to remember:
There are two major steps that you and your child must take to get things out into the light (almost all addictive behavior happens in the shadows). The first is that before you talk to your child about their struggle, you have to stay calm. It is easy for care and deep concern to manifest as fear of frustration or anger. If you approach your child with these feelings on display, no good will come of it. The second is to try and get your child to acknowledge addiction. If a kid is in denial, they will not be open to receiving help. It is only when they can admit their struggle that they can begin the process of overcoming the thing they are addicted to.
A few questions will help get the conversation started:
Q: Here is a behavior I observe. What am I missing?
This is an open-ended question that will give your child an on-ramp to begin talking about that behavior in a non-defensive posture. Maybe they are embarrassed or will be angry with you for even bringing it up, but asking about what you don’t know gives them a chance to come clean.
Q: How can I help?
As soon as an addict admits that they need help, you have to be ready and willing to help them. So have a plan ready to be put in place if they need it. That may mean looking into AA meetings or proposing accountability software on their devices.
One way or another, if they need help, be prepared to be that help! Addiction is scary, but it is also common, which means millions of other parents are going through the same thing.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie & Toben at AXIS
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO PURPOSE
As parents of older teens, gone are the days of the "simple" questions about their little worlds:
Why is the sky blue?
Why do dogs bark?
Why aren't dinosaurs still roaming the earth?
These seemingly impossible questions to answer (as we were driving through the never-ending traffic of school drop-off lines) have been replaced with:
Where should I go to college?
What should I major in?
Should I even go to college?
Does God even listen to questions from a kid like me?
Perhaps you are in the never-ending cycle of pushing into these big, transitional life topics with your teen. Or perhaps you find yourself wishing your child would just be willing to open up and ask these big questions. As we move from hands-on parenting to sideline coaching, one of the topics of our ongoing conversations is all about life's purpose. And while we certainly don't have our own lives figured out all the time, we all long for our emerging young adults to be filled with clarity, hope, and a purpose for their lives. So how do we guide our teens towards understanding the value of living a purposeful life in a world that screams otherwise?
Try these conversation starters with your teen:
Q. What do you do when life doesn't go your way? Do you give up and go in a different direction? Does a bump in the road mean you are traveling in the wrong direction?
A. Let's start by understanding that suffering is part of life, and frankly, life is just not fair. Even when we are closely communing with God, following His leading, and walking in the way Jesus would walk, bad things - disappointing things - are still going to be part of our lives. There are A LOT of examples of courageous, bold, and wise folks in the Bible who experienced their fair share of sadness and suffering.
Q. Does your "talent" act as an indicator of what God's purpose for your life might be? Like some sort of mysterious code?
A. Harsh truth: just because we are uniquely good at something or have a talent that we believe the world needs to see, doesn't necessarily mean it's our sign from God that He wishes for us to be it. If this were true, I should have been a champion hula hooper!
Encourage your teen to thank God for his uniqueness and enjoy the talents he has been given. But understand that sometimes talents are to be enjoyed and shared but not always used as a north star for determining one's purpose.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
Why is the sky blue?
Why do dogs bark?
Why aren't dinosaurs still roaming the earth?
These seemingly impossible questions to answer (as we were driving through the never-ending traffic of school drop-off lines) have been replaced with:
Where should I go to college?
What should I major in?
Should I even go to college?
Does God even listen to questions from a kid like me?
Perhaps you are in the never-ending cycle of pushing into these big, transitional life topics with your teen. Or perhaps you find yourself wishing your child would just be willing to open up and ask these big questions. As we move from hands-on parenting to sideline coaching, one of the topics of our ongoing conversations is all about life's purpose. And while we certainly don't have our own lives figured out all the time, we all long for our emerging young adults to be filled with clarity, hope, and a purpose for their lives. So how do we guide our teens towards understanding the value of living a purposeful life in a world that screams otherwise?
Try these conversation starters with your teen:
Q. What do you do when life doesn't go your way? Do you give up and go in a different direction? Does a bump in the road mean you are traveling in the wrong direction?
A. Let's start by understanding that suffering is part of life, and frankly, life is just not fair. Even when we are closely communing with God, following His leading, and walking in the way Jesus would walk, bad things - disappointing things - are still going to be part of our lives. There are A LOT of examples of courageous, bold, and wise folks in the Bible who experienced their fair share of sadness and suffering.
Q. Does your "talent" act as an indicator of what God's purpose for your life might be? Like some sort of mysterious code?
A. Harsh truth: just because we are uniquely good at something or have a talent that we believe the world needs to see, doesn't necessarily mean it's our sign from God that He wishes for us to be it. If this were true, I should have been a champion hula hooper!
Encourage your teen to thank God for his uniqueness and enjoy the talents he has been given. But understand that sometimes talents are to be enjoyed and shared but not always used as a north star for determining one's purpose.
Parenting Together,
Stephanie at AXIS
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO TIKTOK
Parenting tweens and teens is not for the faint of heart. Let's face it - our kids are growing up in a world that is vastly different than the one you and I grew up in. My boys shake their heads in disbelief when I remind them that I didn't have a cell phone until I was 20! Easy accessibility plus content relentlessly flooding our kids' lives makes for a parenting journey that can feel like a battlefield at times. And if you are like me, you sometimes feel like you are marching towards the line without a map of any kind.
Meet Marisa. Marisa is Axis' social media guru and mom of teenagers herself! We asked her to answer the burning question...
What is the one platform that every parent needs to have the best understanding of?
TikTok.
I truly believe TikTok has a form of digital nicotine in its algorithm. It can be addicting. It can also be a really cool, creative outlet. When I watch some videos on TikTok, I find myself thinking, “How did they think of that?” and ”How did they do that?” Some teens and young adults really get creative and get to showcase their talents and humor on the platform. On the other hand, TikTok can be scary as a parent.
The TikTok algorithm is one of the most sophisticated algorithms of our time and provides personalized content recommendations for each user. It decides which videos a user might like based on their individual interests and displays them on the user’s "For You" page. This sounds like every other social media platform, but TikTok laser focuses on how long you hover, rewatch, or sit still on a video, and from there it hyper analyzes and rabbit holes you.
For example - let’s say your teen is having a rough day and watches a TikTok about someone who is struggling that day and contains sad content. Then they like the video. TikTok’s algorithm goes “hmmm...she liked this, let me show her more like this.” Soon your teen is seeing 80% of their "For You" page filled with videos talking about depression, mental health, and potentially discouraging Debbie Downer videos.
It’s imperative that parents stay in-the-know about the latest TikTok trends and know social media algorithms at a high level so that we, as trusted adults, can have informed conversations with our teens. I believe teens, being teens, unintentionally take advantage of the fact their little old parents don’t understand how social media works and get exposed to and away with more. And that’s where the trouble starts. TikTok and all social media can be a great outlet for teens to connect with friends and watch some fun content creators, but like with all things, is only healthy with careful balance.
Meet Marisa. Marisa is Axis' social media guru and mom of teenagers herself! We asked her to answer the burning question...
What is the one platform that every parent needs to have the best understanding of?
TikTok.
I truly believe TikTok has a form of digital nicotine in its algorithm. It can be addicting. It can also be a really cool, creative outlet. When I watch some videos on TikTok, I find myself thinking, “How did they think of that?” and ”How did they do that?” Some teens and young adults really get creative and get to showcase their talents and humor on the platform. On the other hand, TikTok can be scary as a parent.
The TikTok algorithm is one of the most sophisticated algorithms of our time and provides personalized content recommendations for each user. It decides which videos a user might like based on their individual interests and displays them on the user’s "For You" page. This sounds like every other social media platform, but TikTok laser focuses on how long you hover, rewatch, or sit still on a video, and from there it hyper analyzes and rabbit holes you.
For example - let’s say your teen is having a rough day and watches a TikTok about someone who is struggling that day and contains sad content. Then they like the video. TikTok’s algorithm goes “hmmm...she liked this, let me show her more like this.” Soon your teen is seeing 80% of their "For You" page filled with videos talking about depression, mental health, and potentially discouraging Debbie Downer videos.
It’s imperative that parents stay in-the-know about the latest TikTok trends and know social media algorithms at a high level so that we, as trusted adults, can have informed conversations with our teens. I believe teens, being teens, unintentionally take advantage of the fact their little old parents don’t understand how social media works and get exposed to and away with more. And that’s where the trouble starts. TikTok and all social media can be a great outlet for teens to connect with friends and watch some fun content creators, but like with all things, is only healthy with careful balance.
A PARENT’S GUIDE TO VIOLENCE
Today we are going to tackle a tough subject together -- one that has become heavy on the hearts of all of us in America as we have watched horrors unfold on national television. If you are like me, on the afternoon of May 24th, you clutched your children tightly as tears rolled down your cheeks. How could this happen to our children? In the "safety" of their schools? Again? Literally every parent's worst nightmare.
I have no words but those of extreme empathy and love for all those moms and dads who are walking through these dark days in Texas. But to be honest, I also have feelings of confusion, fear, and anger. Why is our youth facing so much violence in their tiny worlds today? What kind of long-lasting effects is this reality going to have?
In a violent world, it’s hard to avoid the topic. For teens, who already have big emotions, violence is an even harder concept to grasp, and they often find themselves caught up in its repercussions.
The Bible tells us that God is good. Exodus 34:6 says, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth.” Still, it can be hard to believe that, especially when violent events seem to happen every day.
A huge piece of talking about violence is not talking; it’s listening. Violence has an emotional impact. Violence is horrible, and the emotions it carries with it are difficult to shoulder. Your teen may be in pain, and the best thing to do for someone who’s in pain is to listen. No matter what political or personal opinions you hold about something, a teen who’s feeling overwhelmed by the pain an event has caused isn’t likely to be in a position to hear them. So be the listening ear they need, and tell them you understand why they’re feeling the way they feel.
START THE CONVERSATION
I have no words but those of extreme empathy and love for all those moms and dads who are walking through these dark days in Texas. But to be honest, I also have feelings of confusion, fear, and anger. Why is our youth facing so much violence in their tiny worlds today? What kind of long-lasting effects is this reality going to have?
In a violent world, it’s hard to avoid the topic. For teens, who already have big emotions, violence is an even harder concept to grasp, and they often find themselves caught up in its repercussions.
The Bible tells us that God is good. Exodus 34:6 says, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth.” Still, it can be hard to believe that, especially when violent events seem to happen every day.
A huge piece of talking about violence is not talking; it’s listening. Violence has an emotional impact. Violence is horrible, and the emotions it carries with it are difficult to shoulder. Your teen may be in pain, and the best thing to do for someone who’s in pain is to listen. No matter what political or personal opinions you hold about something, a teen who’s feeling overwhelmed by the pain an event has caused isn’t likely to be in a position to hear them. So be the listening ear they need, and tell them you understand why they’re feeling the way they feel.
START THE CONVERSATION
- Less talking and more listening. Our kids have a lot to say about their observations, feelings, and fears about what they are seeing and hearing. Ask leading questions and let them talk through their feelings.
- Validate those strong emotions. There is no doubt that our kids (who already have BIG emotions going on right now! 🙈) will feel intense feelings about their world. Don't undervalue how they feel.
- Turn their passion into purpose. Our kids are not too young to make a remarkable difference in this hurting world. And we, as parents, can be lucky enough to have a front-row seat.
- Invite our God into our unrest. These moments are great opportunities for our teens to learn about who God is and what He thinks about our fears, feelings, and frustrations.
SO THAT ALL PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE THE LOVE OF CHRIST